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Living Farewells,Awakenings & Living Wakes |
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We have all heard comments like ‘John would have loved his funeral’ or ‘it’s such a shame John wasn’t alive to hear and see this.” Now John and others can enjoy and participate with the staging of a Living Farewell – the celebration of the life of a person with them there, centre stage, to share it with family and friends.
A Living Farewell gives the person suffering a terminal illness, the chance to bid farewell to family and friends in a relaxed and happy atmosphere.
For family and friends, A Living Farewell can make the grief process a little easier when they reflect that their loved one celebrated their life one last time with family and friends in a way that they wanted. |
“A Living Farewell is equally as important for the one who is terminally ill, as it is for their loved ones left behind,” according to the Funeral Celebrants Association Australia spokesperson Joy Allen.
“When a person faces their mortality, they go through so many emotions as well as the physical suffering.
“A good friend said to me that one of the hardest things she faced when dying, was the reaction of friends. Some would visit and embrace her; others would cross the road and pretend they didn’t see her as they didn’t know what to say while others ignored me completely,” she explained.
“It is important for family and friends to continue their relationship with you – the chance to throw a big party and have some wonderful laughs and share the tears, is a truly wonderful experience and one that helped me,” she continued.
Importantly a Living Wake is not giving up – no matter how positive a person can be in their fight with cancer, the reality is, some cannot be cured but you can ensure that you enjoy what time you have left with those most important to you.
So what is a Living Farewell?
Quite simply, a Living Wake can be whatever the person or persons organising it, want it to be, according to Joy Allen.
“There are no set procedures – it can be formal or informal, but generally they are a wonderful opportunity for the person suffering a terminal illness, to share his or her life,” Ms Allen reports.
“They are often held on weekends, when people have more time to participate and share in the event – they can be at football ovals, on the beach or any venue that holds a special place in the life of the farewellie,” she explained.
A Living Farewell may include:
- a life history
- an address by the farewellie outlining his or her wishes
- a list of things to remember them by
- an exchange of memories, stories
- a giving out of gifts or keepsakes or photos and
- favorite songs and poems.
Guests can be asked to contribute to a Memory Tree whereby each writes a message on coloured card and attaches it a tree. This makes a beautiful keepsake for the farewellie and his or her family. The Memory Tree cards may also form part of a funeral or memorial service.
Alternatively, the farewellie can give a Memory Card to each of his or her guests.
A Byron Bay identity decided to hold a Living Wake, which he titled his Awakening, when he discovered he had months to live. The event included much joke telling and even pole dancing. In his words ‘I’ve never had so many people wanting to dance with me and kiss me, he said afterward. It was one of the best nights of my life.‘
And apparently those closest to him said that he would have also approved of the party after his death - a procession where friends passed a decorated rugby ball – containing his ashes – between them, all the way to the pub.
Another example was the Hon Dr Reginald (Spot) Turnbull, former Senator for Tasmania and former Mayor of Launceston who died in 2006. He indulged in a series of Living Wakes because he said he would not spend money on parties he could not attend.
“It is important to respect people’s wishes,” Ms Allen said.
“One of the most important roles of a Celebrant, is to hear the ideas of the person, craft them into a ceremony and to coordinate and deliver it in a way fitting that person.
“A Living Farewell brings great laughter, joy, tears and expressions of love. Saying goodbye is hard but it can also be very rewarding,” Ms Allen concluded.
Source: Ms. Joy Allen Funeral Celebrant.
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