A wake can range from a quiet cup of tea and sandwiches at the local funeral home room, to a full blown party of any type (Barbeque, musicians, beach farewell, gathering at the local pub etc).

A wake is a common part of the funeral event and gives time to family and friend to share stories and comfort each other after the service.

However you define ‘the best gathering’ is how you can start to plan the wake.

Living in a multicultural and multi-faith society we have different attitudes and beliefs about death and the disposal of the dead. Currently, a cremation tends to be more popular (55% versus 45% for a burial). In areas where cremation facilities are common this percentage can be as high as 75%. Irrespective of what others might choose, you need to feel comfortable with your decision.

A traditional choice: Burial has been a favoured choice for thousands of years in almost every culture.
The key reasons why burial is chosen:

• Preference of the deceased
• Preference by next-of-kin
• Existing Family plot 
• Faith / religious belief

A modern choice: Cremation has been the choice of the current generation. It offers flexibility with the final resting place. You may decide to bury the ashes, scatter them in an area important to the deceased, or to keep them with you at home.
The key reasons why cremation is chosen:

• Preference of the deceased 
• Preference by next-of-kin
• Environmental consideration
• Convenience/efficient arrangement/simpler
• Lower cost

Cremation Information
Choices of what can be done with a loved one’s ashes
The person who lodges an application for a cremation, often a relative or the executor of the estate, arranges to pick up the ashes. Once the applicant collects the ashes, they can be: 

• Buried in a cemetery in a small plot or placement in a columbarium or niche wall
• Preserved in a decorative urn and kept at home or some other favourite spot 
• Scattered on private land, beach, river, public parks, sea or at a place that was significant to the deceased and family. 
• It also depends on the personal wishes of the deceased.

Do you need any special permission to scatter the ashes?
It is important to get permission from the owners of private land or the Trust of Parks and reserves, or from local council for parks, beaches and playing fields as scattering of ashes may contravene the provisions of the Clean Air Act, or they may constitute water pollution. Councils and other Government Authorities will set time and place when these activities can be undertaken and can impose other conditions.
Disposal of ashes without consent from appropriate authorities may result in legal proceedings to be initiated against the person disposing the ashes.

Things you need to consider when you scatter the ashes
It is important to carefully choose the place where you scatter the ashes of your loved ones. For example, when the ashes are scattered or placed in parks or public place, access to the area may be restricted for some reason in the future, undeveloped land may be developed, or many other conditions may arise that could make it difficult for you to visit the site to remember the deceased. Even if ashes are scattered in the backyard, what happens if you sell sometime in the future? Once scattered, the ashes cannot be collected.

Scattering at sea by boat
You must get permission from the master of the vessel or boat before scattering the ashes. Vessels can be chartered specifically to scatter ashes. Some precautions should be observed: 

• Pre loosen the lid of the ashes container or pre-drill large holes to make it easier to remove the lid or scatter the ashes when on board. 
• Be aware of the wind direction and scatter close to the water 
• Never just throw the ashes container overboard as it will float. Always empty the container into the sea.
  For further information about burial and cremation please contact:
  Office Fair Trading http://www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au/
  NSW Department of Health http://www.health.nsw.gov.au/
  Source: www.health.nsw.gov.au/public-health/ehb/general/funeral/pdf/factsheet_ashes.pdf

Funeral arrangers are always there to support the family should no one from the family or circle of friends wish to carry the coffin.

The coffin should be carried by those able to manage the weight and feel emotionally ready to do so. A coffin trolley can also support the coffin for some or all of the movement.

Graham Kennedy had his beloved football team, a young person had all classmates. It is a special role and part of the service.

Special touches so as to honour those who served...

• Flag placed over the coffin
• The Ode
• The Last Post/Reveille
• Laying of poppies 
• Medals on display
• Guard of Honour
• RSL badge
  
  The RSL is pleased to assist family with many articles of special remembrance. Contact your local RSL for support and advice.
  

A eulogy can be a either a chronological account/biography, one or more stories, a recollection of personal memories shared at some point in the service by family, friends and work colleagues.

The Eulogy is seen as the more complex, as sharing a loved ones life story calls upon the person preparing to be something of a story teller or creative writer if he or she is to hold the attention of mourners.

If it is decided that a chronological account of the deceased’s life is what is needed then the recollections of dates and places of other family members will be very important in the story-telling process. The greater the variety of the information gathered in the research part of the process, the easier it will be to write to write the speech. In addition, a variety of information makes for a more interesting and memorable memorial speech.

Personal Information

• Age
• Family - marriage(s), children, parents, pets
• Work/Career
• Education 
• Hobbies and free time activities
• Places lived 
• Membership in social, religious or professional organisations 
• Offices held in government, professional or community organisations 
• Military service
• Special life events 
• Special accomplishments, achievements and awards

Additional Notable Information

• Beliefs, cherished values
• Life philosophies 
• Poems, quotes, or letters written by the deceased (as a way of bringing his or her own voice into the service) 
• Special poems, quotes, passages or verses Reminisces and Recollections 
• Family stories and anecdotes 
• Friends' stories and anecdotes 
• Co-workers' stores and anecdotes 
• Colleagues' stores and anecdotes 
• Favourite quotes, expressions of the deceased
• Additions for Religious Service 
• Favourite Religious Text verses 
• Favourite Religious Text readings or passages 
• Prayers, Blessings 
• Sermon, homily, speech

To make a eulogy or the shared stories memorable...

• Write about the memories you had - so it comes across naturally
• Write about memories that the audience can remember
• Think positively when you write about the person 
• Insert some humour into the eulogy (jokes, quotes, sayings) 
• Say/read your eulogy as though you are talking to a friend.  

Writing a eulogy could help you ease your pain and some of the grief you are feeling. Losing somebody is never easy. Sharing what you feel and being able to let people know who your beloved family member or friend really was will be one of the best last gifts you can give them.
Source: http://www.eulogyspeech.net/eulogy-writing/
Examples of Eulogies

• Chronological or Life History: Tribute to John F. Kennedy Junior 
• Shared Memories: My Daddy Was My Hero - Bindi Irwin 
• Tribute: Tribute to Princess Diana by Her brother, The Earl Spencer 
• Special Theme - Humour: John Cleese's Memorable Memorial Speech for Graham and Cher's Eulogy for Sonny 
• Special Theme - Given for Someone Unknown: President Ronald Reagan's Eulogy for the Challenger Astronauts 
• Special Theme - Musical Sir Elton John's Musical Tribute to Princess Diana 
• Special Theme – Toasts A Toast to the Immortal Memory of Robert Burns
  

Steve Irwin had his loved Croc Truck, Jack had a Harley Davidson Motorcycle, and others have chosen the old style Horse and carriage. Recently, a young regional family chose the family ute for their son’s farewell.

More traditional means of transport is a Hearse, which is often filled with flowers or even balloons. Many funeral homes can also offer the services of other funeral cars to support the family.

People often choose to place a notice in their local newspaper to inform the community of the death and funeral service details.

Notices generally convey the person’s full name, life dates or age, partner and family member names, place and time of service, funeral directors conducting the service, services wishes/instructions e.g. no flowers, private burial etc, or details and special message from the family.

Again, people are encouraged to create the announcement in their own personal way… special wish, the funny saying of the person etc

There are also new services besides a newspaper announcement. Please view the Sydney Morning Herald online for notices (www.smh.com.au) or Obits (www.obits.com.au)

From Belinda Emmett’s farewell… "A colourful eight-page Order of Service booklet including pictures of Belinda and Rove, messages from her nephews and nieces and beautiful pictures of Belinda at different ages was handed out to mourners. Messages from celebrities were included in the booklet".

An Order of Service is a simple booklet that can be created in a variety of formats:

• An outline of the service format and who is involved
• A photo tribute and keepsake
• Chosen prayers, poems and tributes or the choice/words of the music
  

An on-screen presentation created with your favourite photos, old video film, and other clips (say newspaper stories, special certificates etc) viewed during a funeral service can reflect on your loved one’s life and act as a unique keepsake.

The presentations can be created on your computer or engaging the services of a professional in this service.

Many surveys are done in UK, Europe and Australia noting the most requested songs for funerals. Funeral Directors across the world commonly say they are receiving more and more requests for popular music as people attempt to personalise funerals and choose songs that are relevant to them.
A recent 2007 poll found the Top Ten funeral songs:

1. Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
2. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
3. I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
4. The Best - Tina Turner
5. Angels - Robbie Williams
6. You'll Never Walk Alone - Gerry And The Pacemakers
7. Candle In The Wind - Elton John
8. Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers
9. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel
10. Time To Say Goodbye - Sarah Brightman

The best songs to select are those that meant something special to your loved one or a reflection of the family and friends emotions.

Other alternative requests can include the famous Monty Python - Always look on the bright side of Life, Queen - Another One Bites The Dust. Other odd choices include ‘Roll out the Barrel’ and the Village People's YMCA.

"What may seem wacky to one person can make perfect sense to another who sees that song as the ideal way to remember a partner," Ms Sheasby Funeral Director

Suggestions for live music - vocalists, string quartet, harp player or any other instrument, band, bagpipers and others. Many websites advertise the services of the above professions or your funeral director is there to assist the family.

A most important factor to remember when selecting the music is to respect the place of service and the beliefs/views of people attending the service

The most common types of funeral services are:

Church/Chapel Service
This style of funeral begins with a service at a church or funeral chapel or other place, followed by a procession to the cemetery or crematorium, where there is a final committal ceremony.

Single Service Funeral
A single service funeral can take place at either a funeral chapel, church, crematorium chapel, at the graveside or a special place, such as a park or community hall. This service incorporates a final committal process, and there is no procession to the cemetery or crematorium.

Memorial Service
A memorial service takes place after a private burial or cremation at any of the places referred to above.

The above types of service can be performed in a variety of ways:

• Following a religious service including a mass
• Following a standard funeral service format
• Freestyle… start with a story, slide show or with a singer/band and unfold in a variety of ways.

 ‘Mark was a keen motor racing fan and his family chose to hold the farewell service at Eastern Creek raceway. We all gathered in the Racing Pit Area for his service. A parting special moment was the laps of honour around the race track..’ Maree, Funeral Arranger

The life of a loved one can be celebrated in a variety of ways. Many people are involved in a Church community and will choose to have the service there. Others may prefer to use a funeral director’s or crematorium chapel.

People are also choosing to have the service at some other special place, such as the family home, a park or a community hall or facility, campfire area, racing track, family wine cellar, beach side, out on a boat etc. A service can be held practically anywhere. Your funeral director can provide advice and assist with permission for a location if required.

The number of people expected to attend is often an important consideration when choosing a venue for a funeral.

Services can be conducted by clergy, a civil celebrant or a family member or friend.

The life of a loved one can be celebrated in a variety of ways. Many people are involved in a Church community, and will choose to have the service there. Others may prefer to use a funeral director’s or a crematorium chapel.

People are also choosing to have the service at some other special place, such as the family home, a park or a community hall or other facility. Campfire area, racing track, family wine cellar, beach side, out on a boat etc. A service can be held practically anywhere.

Your funeral director can provided advice and assist with permission for a location if required.

The number of people expected to attend is often an important consideration when choosing a venue for a funeral.